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I made great memories and some lasting friends at the start, but I left with a bad taste in my mouth.The last line in the Warrior Ethos says “I will never leave a fallen comrade.” I wonder how many of my sergeants remembered that.Plus at the time I thought the National Guard wasn’t the Army, so I had nothing to lose.After enlisting and sweating at a couple training camps, I was assigned to a truck platoon out in the country.So a neighbor named Patrick Dakwa has agreed to take responsibility for him.Dakwa is a community volunteer who spends a lot of time trying to make circumcisions safer, running seminars near the Eastern Cape town of Flagstaff, teaching traditional surgeons how to safely dress wounds.In the Xhosa culture, the transition into manhood is marked by a month of instruction from elders, who teach the teens how to be a father, a husband.The Xhosa boys are also circumcised during this time, and most years these schools make headlines because dozens of the boys die during the process. It is customary for the patriarch in a family to send a boy off, but Nkqinqa’s father has not been a part of his life for several years, and three of his uncles are dead.

The tasks were menial and my only real duty was to turn a wrench, refuel some trucks, and pass my physical fitness test. It was a good deal — before I started feeling restless.

Everything at the Guard got more difficult, and at school I started failing courses too. At a routine health assessment I tried unpacking the malaise I’d been feeling through the past year to a case manager.

I explained how the pressure to succeed (and consequences of failing) as a student a soldier was eroding my mental health, affecting my performance in either career.

After that weekend passed, I turned in all my gear and threw out everything they let me keep.

I didn’t want anything to do with this job anymore.

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