“We blame the men for their weakness, for not being responsible,” said My Hanh, a 31-year-old San Jose resident.

“And they are more considerate, more tender and caring with their women.

“The problem is, Vietnamese women are getting prettier and prettier,” said Nhan, perched on a stool at his cozy establishment that serves up draft beer, hamburgers and female employees in short shorts who flirtatiously brush against male customers they like. “The tradition has been the male chases after the female,” Liem said. Not long ago, a buddy of his overstayed a two-week second visa issued by his girlfriend. Guys 50 and over can get girls who are in their 20s and look like models.

“Now, it’s the other way around in Vietnam.” Said one Vietnamese-American tech executive from Silicon Valley who didn’t want to reveal his name for fear of causing his own second visa problems: “You get hit on all the time. “When he came back, she tossed all his stuff out onto the street,” he said. It’s too good to pass up.” A friskiness permeates the culture in Vietnam that many men visiting from other countries find irresistible.

It’s the “second visa” — from his wife worried that he will stray over there — that requires diplomatic skills.

“My wife is always cranky every time I go,” said Liem, a philosophy instructor at San Jose City College who visits Vietnam twice a year to teach at a university.